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Thursday, December 23, 2004
Guys, I really need some help. Clearly I haven't seen or read nearly enough porn in my young years, because I keep cumming up blank (see what I did there? Notch one up for Dawei) with new and imaginative things to try. I know I've bitched about this before, but now I need some reader suggestions or something.

I mean, really it's a good thing, I guess. Because Cap Guy seems to totally want to please me and to "fulfill my fantasies" or some shit. But... I don't really think I have any. Well, I like certain things which help to... uhm... arouse me, and get that magic pre-come a-flowin', but they aren't really exotic or things he can do when we're already naked. Like, I like the outline of a nice dick through some nice underwear, but by the time he's asking me what I like, I've already gotten bored with looking at the bulge, and the underwear has been flung in the corner of the room. Another time I was appreciating how see-through his undies were after I had... *cough* licked them a bit (shut up! You know you've all done it before), and he was all "want me to get them really wet? I can get in the shower!" and I was all "uhm, okay, if you can be bothered..." and then he was all "then what will I do" in a purr-y and sexual-y voice. But I know he really meant "these sheets cost me 600 bucks, so unless you're packing a tarpaulin in those Versace underwear we're finsihing this in the bathroom." Yeah right. Bathroom sex? Ew. That's for quickies before work or something. Well, before he goes to work.

I thought that maybe he just liked to talk while doing it, and that got him off, but once I just said (purely for lack of any other brilliant ideas mind you) that I'd do it with him outside thinking that would be the end of it... but then he gave me a handjob in the steam room at his parents' exclusive health club and spa, and then we did it in the shower in the locker room. UGH. Well, it was kinda hot I guess.

But I need new ideas! I can't keep coming up with fresh ones. What are some of your fantasies, so I can pinch them? Also, I need to say that when I re-direct the question and ask him what he likes and what he likes to do, he takes the easy way out and says "whatever you like to do" which is like, totally annoying. I mean, it's nice in the way he wants to serve my sexual needs, but hello! I have to do all the work coming up with the elaborate sexual needs! The next time he asks I feel like screaming "stop fucking talking and just suck on this, bitch! *cockslap about face*"

Or maybe I just need to learn how to dirty talk. Sigh. Help!