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Wednesday, November 01, 2006
The other day, Sam blogged about a "won't somebody think of the children"-esque article about men who cruise beats for gay sex. Despite the fact that I had lots of better things to do I decided to take the hard-hitting journalistic road and investigate the mechanics of Squirt.com. See my determination there? I had never heard of this website before, but it's actually quite amazing. Basically it's like a bulletin board with users putting down locations, pictures, rankings, and other "juicy" details pertaining to the location and construction of beats around town.

I must say I've always been quite fascinated with beats. Not that I indulge in them, of course, but the idea of them seems so strange and baffling to me, I can't help but be amazed by them. To some degree I can imagine their role in, like, 1930, when men who had those charming gay tendencies would have to meet in private (public?) to indulge in their sexual proclivities. But these days it seems so unnecessary and strange. Is it just doing it in public? Is it the anonymous thing? Is it a power trip? Do people find the smell of urinal cakes appealing, or enjoy getting prickles in their feet and bums? Why go to beats when you can just as easily pick up around town, especially in the modern age of Internet dating? Oh, and I just suddenly had a brain-wave! Are people who use beats just kind of fugly? Because if you have to suck someone's dick through a hole to get them hard, maybe it's time to start considering some cosmetic work or something.

My theory is just that they are all Slutty McBugchasers. But I am willing to hear a more rational take on them if someone else wants to tell me!

Anyhoo, so I trawled through Squirt.com and looked at some of the beats around Brisbane. I was amazed at where they are! Obviously I knew about some of the big ones--two notorious ones are really close to my house, after all--but it would appear that beat-ings are going on in very surprising places. Such as: university toilets that I used every day; shopping centre bathrooms (and not just crappy ones in basements, but like, full on brightly lit public toilets opposite banks, etc., ew!); Coles; and endless parks and places where you wouldn't think gay people would be seen dead at. Show a little respect, boys!

Perhaps I'm just totally blind to all this, but it is much more widespread than I thought! Which begs the question, how come I have never been propositioned in a beat, when I clearly have accidentally been in thousands of them! Perhaps I need to start wearing stonewashed jeans, grow a bushy moustache, and wear a leather biker hat.

So what's the deal with beats? 'Fess up Anonymous-style if you want. I want all the details. I do find them a culturally interesting place. I just think they are gross and would rather stay at home and watch Sabrina the Teenage Witch or something.

PS -- parents, if you let your child use any public toilet you are endangering their safety. Those places are nasty. Teach your child some bladder control!

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