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Monday, December 23, 2002
I really don't deal with hangovers very well. I like to think of myself as pretty strong-willed, determined, independent, and resilient... but throw a little nausea at me and I turn into a cowering baby. Not that I even had nausea, I was all: I'd better not wake up in a pool of my own barf. And thus panic cycles and anxiety ensued. So to take my mind off things, I did some laps of my yard, and chugged three litres of water. Yeah, that was really smart. This site, dedicated to the reveller's lament, I find hilarious. Well, not the plebs who write in their "side-splitting" suggestions to cure hangovers. Getting a blowjob while drinking schnapps? What happened to good old fashioned wit?! Uh-oh, I'm turning into a pretentious blog! Moving right along...

The art gallery of what a hangover feels like is wicked. How people do those drawings on that little free-hand-y thing is beyond me. Although, I regularly kick ass at Yahoo!Graffti. Perhaps someday I should express my hungoverness through this underrated art form? Nah. I'd rather eat KFC and watch video clips. Especially because I've never really experienced a booze-fest bad enough to cause this. Yikes. This is pure genius though. And gross.

Is it my imagination, or does Elijah Wood look eerily like a young Doug Mulray? All you lusty Hobbit-fans take heed! Behold! The future! Okay, their skin tones are different and it's a bad photo of Mulray so it's a bit of a stretch, but the same qualities/basic looks are there! Both are short and kinda gay-looking, both have those anemic blue eyes (although Doug has his without digital enhancement and/or contacts), both have retarded smiles, and now, with The 'Lij's new shaved head, he reveals he has Male Pattern Baldness! And before y'all start jumping down my thought (and by "y'all" I mean "Sam"), just LOOK at Elijah. It's not like he's stunningly attractive. Noone would give him a second look if his little Hobbit pants weren't padded out with a hefty paycheque (or if his... "ring" wasn't made out of gold). Of course, he is kinda cute in a retarded way. But blech. He looks so defenceless and kittenish. I suppose that's the appeal. I'm sure psychologists could have a field day examining Elijah's more militant fans. Could their desire to make sweet sweet love to him be habouring issues against their respective mothers? I mean, noone could imagine themselves being submissive to him; their feelings toward him (in a sexual sense) would have to be that of domination! Elijah is so a bottom to Dominic Monaghan.

My good friend, who borders on being my faghag (yuck! When did that happen?) has a sexual prospect in a guy who looks eerily like Elijah. Only this guy is like, 6'. And ANOTHER friend has a homophobic friend who has Elijah's eyes, only his are real! Mmm straight homophobes. Normally I'd wear a mouthguard if I was going to make contact with him (not that he knows I'm homofied, I mean, despite what y'all think I'm not terribly campy!), but he is smokin'. And he like, clubs in the Valley! Noone in the Valley is homophobic, as everyone is either gay or a faghag! Obviously he is having sexuality issues, and needs a piece of Dawei to get things moving.