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Friday, February 14, 2003
Two of the creepiest ads on television at the moment:

A scarily disguised man walks into a family environment where he lures all the toddlers away from their parents. He leads them in some genital thrusting, and then forces them to leave their parents by putting a spell on their shoes. The bewitched shoes force the kids to follow their abducter into an empty field, leaving behind their families and their virginity. Not only that, by the looks of the predator's hair, he would have red pubes! Could the children's ordeal be worse? I mean, look. Guilty much, Ronald?

Seriously, McDonald's... worst. Ad. Evah!

Another seriously creepy ad is that one for Vegemite, where the adults talk like little kids. Especially that one who wants a hairy chest. Uhm, why would you want that, anyway? Shudder. Who ever green-lighted THAT campaign needs to have some psychological counselling over issues in their youth. And possibly undergo a chemical sterility operation. Does that ad make anyone else nausea-up? What makes it worse, is that in our family (and I'm sure many around the country) it is not Vegemite, but Vaginamite. Their new slogan? Spread the Smile. "Vertical Smile" is long known as a euphemism for a snatch, so spread? Ew. I think "spread" is up there with "moist" in toxic words.

Unfortunately, my favourite TV watching times is for some reason bombarded with these advertisements. I really should stop watching TV when the marketing is aimed at youngsters and their parents. But... Big Arvo! Pick Your Face! I'm sorry to say that the Magic Bus isn't quite working for me this season, and Pick Your Face has won me over. It rocks out. The point is the kids play a series of games, which end with the child having to guess who the celebrity is. The only problem is that the producers always pick really BAD celebrities. Like, dude, Napolean Bonaparte is so not a celebrity. And what ten year old will have seen Election and American Pie? The only "celebrities" the kids know well seem to be the members of Hi-5, which is just really really sad.

The funniest thing happened yesterday though. The chick was in the Morphing Booth (where the child's face is slowly morphed into a celebrity). It had only been on for like, five seconds when she cried "STOP!"... and she asked if the answer was "me?"! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Stupid bitch. Like, it started with your face, and it obviously changed as it ended up being Bill Cosby so it's not like their skin shades were identical. Not that she would have got Bill Cosby anyway. Props to the host for not peeing his pants at her dumbassness.

Speaking of, I have a love-hate relationship with the host. He so shouldn't be considered hot, but I keep wanting to fuck him. Stupid brain. I think I have a weak spot for slightly goofy guys, even though "tall dark handsome" is what I usually base my "cruising" on. And plus, when he sends us off to the ads, he does this smile thing and shakes his head a bit and I SWOON! And his name? Angus Smallwood! Bwah! So he may even fit in my ass!

God, I'm pathetic. Maybe I should chemically castrate myself and get the pain over with already.