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Monday, March 10, 2003
Dawei's Etiquette Guide for Clubbing Hijinks

  1. A hot pink clothespeg is NOT an earring. Please do not think that it is.

  2. If you are going to shave your forearm, please make sure the stubble is in control. Giving people stubble-rash as you brush your arm against them is an instant cock-wilt.

  3. Makeup on men? No. Pancaked on foundation to cover acne is merely a stopgap measure, as it looks far worse when the light hits your skin to reveal that you have lumpy-ass cysts under a buttload of spackle. Just don't even bother, and you will look much better for it. Eye makeup for theatrical purposes is somewhat passable, as long as it possess an air of irony. Which it never does.

  4. Are you hiking? Lose the backpack.

  5. Mullets are not attractive. Period. Super-short hair with a three inch flowing mane at the base? Even worse. While it is true that mullets on men were seen on some catwalks, that was about two seasons ago already. And they were never attractive. People with so-called "techno-mullets" are obviously the worst kind of fashion-slave. Dawei directs them to Supré where they are sure to find some plebby reject outfits to match with their outdated, horrendous hair. Dawei is also positive that Supré will fit their budgets.

  6. Do not flick your cigarette ash in someone's eye.

  7. Or their drink.

  8. PLEASE DEODERISE. If you are a person who excretes oily, stenchy sweat, Dawei suggests stashing some deodorant in a nearby cocksucking-alley so scent-y refreshment is easy to achieve.

  9. If you are one of said people, shirtless dancing is inappropriate. Rubbing said shirtless body over an innocent fresh-smelling bystander is downright rude. Please go back to your group of six smelly, sweaty, old, shirtless dancers, and continue the exuberant dancing in the circle.