I used to love the flirtatious playground that was Coles Supermarkets. And then I gave him my phone number, and my relationship with the store went to Hell. Argh, what was I thinking?! If he was being flirtatious, wouldn't he have rung by NOW? It's been a week and five hours already! He must have thought I was hideous. I knew I should have had a haircut earlier! Stupid massive blond curls.

So I figure I can't go back until he gets in touch with me (how hard is it to write an SMS?!), as otherwise it'll be awkward. A week ago I used my Intuitive ColesDude Schedule to work out when he'd be there so I could do my shopping, and now I'm using it to shop around him. Men ruin everything.

I used to quite enjoy my Coles shopping, the inevitable underwear-moistening while going through the checkout aside. I enjoyed looking into other people's baskets and trying to guess what their homelife was like... usually ending up with a value judgment on someone's wealth by the items they buy. Also, I used to see heaps of hot guys! The fruit and veg area seems to be a Mecca for cock (ahh, fruits. Incidentally, my friend who worked at a Coles said that Tuesday nights were an unofficial cruising night for gay men. You put bananas in your basket, and if you point them up, it is a signal to other homos that you want a penile-y rendezvous. Just a tip for youse out there).

Now I just want to make it a simple in-and-out event (ARGH!! I really need to get laid). I slide on some dark glasses and haul it past the creepy key-cutting man who always looks at me, throw everything in off the list and haul my ass out again. Today was even worse though, as I have this ridiculously painful cold. I think I have Asian Flu! Anyway, my snot has now turned a bright yellow, and I have to snort and sniff constantly to keep it contained. It was made even worse in Coles this arvo, as I had no tissues! But when that wasn't embarrassing enough, the air conditioning made my eyes water like a bitch, so my left eye was streaming with tears. So I was getting all these looks like "what's his problem, were they sold out of Cornflakes?"

And there was the biggest cunty bogan in front of me. She was wearing one of those hideous sickly lavender tops with that horrendous stitched-flower thing around her neck and TIGHTS. And she was FAT. Anyway, she ran off to take back one of her four margarines, and then when she came back, she made the check-out chick look in this plastic bag to make sure she wasn't stealing anything (who OFFERS to display their bag?). Anyway, guess what was in it! Like, twenty plastic bags filled with those cigarette filters. There are like, a hundred in each bag! Why does she need so many filters? Filthy bitch. She also bought two cans of Savings "Irish Stew". I don't even want to think what's in that.

I hate my life.

Why wont he call? Maybe he's dead. Hmm...

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posted by Dawei at 4:16 pm