Fucking Cheekbones told me yesterday that a "man from my past" had returned to Australia, and was in Brisbane over the weekend. Let's call this man from my past... LongThinFreakBanana-esquePenisMan, due to the fact that his love-knob sprung from his light brown pubes, its long thin shaft arching so that the head of his slick pleasure-stick touched base again at the far side of his navel. I could also call him "Laughingly Bad Underwear Dude", because even in my massively drunken state, I remember thinking "beige underwear? What the...? I'll quickly throw those behind the TV!"

Come on guys! Choosing nice underwear isn't hard. Please remove the following from your wardrobe (especially if you're looking for a piece of Dawei's fine ass): satin boxers, grey or white anything, Rio anything, g-strings. I'm also not a huge fan of boxer shorts (in regards to sexual relations), as they are so boring. You pull down their pants, and the boner is just there, stabbing you in the eye. Boring! At least with normal undies (or boxer-briefs, calling card of the homosexual. Sorry ladies, if your man wears these, he is poof-tacular. However, if he wears the Bonds lo-rider style boxer-brief, he has fine taste, and thus earns a high-five! from Dawei. So it's not all bad!) when you open their pants, you get that nice bulge happening, the air thick with anticipation as you trace the outline of the shaft with your fingers GAH!!!

I'm getting sidetracked. What was my point? Oh. Stupid Cheekbones.

Ahem.

So anyway, Cheekbones, LTFB-ePM (uhm, I suppose I should be open to new suggestions for that. I'm not in my best form. It's too cold!), and a couple of other 'mos all got together on Sunday night. Gee, thanks for inviting me Cheekbones, you cunthead. I could have been out humping like a mofo on Sunday night, instead of watching fucking Australian Idol. Although, now I think about it, I had some explosive diarrhoea that night, so maybe it's a good thing I wasn't nuded up with someone. "Oh hey! I haven't seen you in over a year since you helped me starch some sheets. Oh, what's that? You want to go to rim town? Okay! Whoops. You might want to wipe that off with a tissue. Or a towel."

Yeah, probably not the best way to win someone over to the mystique of Dawei. Unless he was into scat, I guess.

Still, I have the right to be shitty, right? Right?! And it's not like the banana penis-ed dude doesn't remember me: Cheekbones told me that he asked how I was! Unfortunately Cheekbones was an ass (shock), and said that I was a slut (bwah!), because he pointed out to all the 'mos present that I had been with all of them. Hmph. An unfortunate coincidence. I suppose I can understand where he is coming from though. His flatmate has had a hardon for LTFB-ePM for ages now, and was heartbroken when he got palmed for moi. Oh well. I guess we can't all have my Volumes Of Desirability and Kicking Ass-ness. See what I did there? Yeah, I'll push the Post & Publish button now already.

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posted by Dawei at 11:02 am