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Thursday, September 11, 2003
Dear Everyone at the University of Queensland,


Your friend,



I know it's been obscenely hot here in ol' Vegas town for the past few days, but nothing warrants the purchase and sportage of those vile pantaloons. Man, they look good on no one. There was this semi-hot dude at drug trials this past weekend, but I promptly scratched him off my lust list when on Sunday morning he pulled on a pair of light blue denim shorts over his boxers. I think he was wearing satin boxers as well, so I guess he would have been palmed no matter what. (The hideousness of satin boxers can never be overstated).

Denim shorts are pretty fug, but the guy sitting next to me in my tute today had paired his with BIRKENSTOCKS. Gag. How lesbian chic circa 1999 of him. And they weren't even the less-hideous ones, they were like, the paisley ones. I should totally transfer to Vet Sci or Physio or something. All the students there are rather scorching and well-dressed. I would have to study something plebby and lame.

That's the sort of shit they should put in the course enrollment guide thingy: a guide to the class and hotness of the average student in each field. Like, Bachelor of Science would be right down the bottom (they favour tracksuit pants and fringes), while the cooler and individual (yet still stylish. Not like, Arts-student "individuals", where dreadlocks and hemp sacks are seen as a modern and anarchistic fashion choice to show solidarity against the cruel Capitalist and consumerist nature of modern society which saps one of free conscious thought wank wank wank) students of Architecture would raise the score of that particular degree.

But yeah. In conclusion: it's too fucking hot. But denim shorts are not the answer.

Today would be perfect beach weather, really. Unfortunately I hit Surfer's Paradise a bit too early, and it was a bit chilly. But don't fret! Much drinking was achieved. Who knew Shooters was so much fun? Ahh, Shooters. So many Schoolies flashbacks.

Good times.