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Wednesday, December 03, 2003
I bought three pairs of the best underwear today. Don't worry friends, I didn't cave in and buy any of Ian Thorpe's faggy-assed genital adornments (though keep up the searches for them, interested shoppers). Bond's "lo-rider" boxer-briefs all the way! Seriously, just giving them a little plug, they are the most comfortable underwear in existence. And the neon colours rock. I always get complimented on my underwear. Well, one guy said they were the gayest underwear he had ever seen, because I happened to be wearing my purple ones. But I was like, dude, you can criticise my unmentionables when you stop wearing those ugly-ass black ones with the spots of precum crust (or those baggy, white Calvin boxers pulled out on another occasion with the yellow urine stains, but let's not go there).

I need cool underwear (and clothes in general) to impress all the Eastern Europeans with my Aussie style. I mean, it's not like I'll be able to talk to them or anything, so I may as well look pretty. Normally I'd do a bit of funky shopping overseas (well, as much as I could in the Slovak-y areas. Aren't they all like, Communist? So I imagine they all wear hessian sacks and stuff), but my parents have been totally stingy with which cards they are going to give me. They are worried that if I take my normal card, which is an extension of theirs, they will have to cancel ALL the cards if I lose it, or if it gets stolen. How selfish! So anyway, Dad went out and created this new account for me, and gave me a separate card... only it has like, a credit limit. And not even a respectable limit.

We are talking three zeros, people.

How the fuck am I meant to survive three months with so little money? Hopefully I'll stay with a friend in Milan for a few days, and with another dude in London for a while, but sheesh! I wanted to like, have fun and stuff. How much fun can I have when all I will be able to afford is wandering down barren, sterile streets being chased by wolves and eating bread and cheese? I probably won't even be able to afford cheese, and will have to smear my bread with smegma. Not mine, of course, because my penile hygiene is outstanding. But you see my plight, right?