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Sunday, December 07, 2003
I had my first foray into arse banditry (finally) on Friday night, and I think it was quite possibly my most embarrassing sexual moment ever. And trust me, that's saying something.

Seeing as I'm going overseas in exactly... ten days (screech!), I was talking to this dude in a bar about how I want to just get the ass-sex over with here in Australia, so if I wanted to indulge in some anal fornication abroad I'd be an old-hand at it, and impress everyone with my mad anal skillz. I'd be a bit worried if I did it for the first time in like, Croatia, and I'd be "fuck shit cunting piss fuck! Get that fucking thing out of my rectum, you cunt!" and they'd misinterpret me and think I'm saying "fuck me harder with that fat juicy love pole, you wild stallion!" leading to ruptured bowels and a Dawei split in two.

So he was all "let's do it" so I knocked back my alcoholic beverage and went back to his disgusting townhouse. Obviously he wasn't planning on getting a shag that night; he had his old used jocks lying on his couch. Gag. But we started getting it on on his bed, which was fun. Although he was a bit demanding! He was all: "no! You're sucking too hard on my nipples/cock/balls! I like it slowly licked!" Whatever. You'd think he'd be grateful for what he was given. A sexual audience with Dawei is no mean feat. I just think he is one of those freaks who like their sex to be slow and romantic. BARF. I bet he's the kind to have sex sober as well. Loser.

Anyway, I was all "I want to be rimmed" and he was all reluctant, but said he would if we had a shower. I rolled my eyes a bit (luckily the lights were out), but agreed. God, could that tool be more demanding?! But post-shower, the rimmage went for like, an hour, and duuuuuuuuude he was pretty full on. Like, tipping me up so I'm basically on my head while he growled out my arse. How embarrassing for him. And he liked to make eye-contact while he did it, which kinda grossed me out. What is the appropriate reaction while someone has a tongue up your ass, and they're looking at you? Should I dirty talk? If I busted out "oh yeah baby, lick out my hot hole" I'd probably erupt in a fit of giggles. So I just thrashed around a bit, and pretended like I gave a fuck.

So then it was time for my sphincter to get violated, so he got a condom, lubed it up, and pressed it against my hole and... nothing. It wouldn't fit. I was trying to relax and all, but there was no way he was stuffing his cock up my chute. Which is a bit embarrassing on my part. I mean, he wasn't hung at all. If that dick couldn't get up there, what chance does a man who has an average sized dick or more? After a while we gave up and switched sides, and I was all Mr Penetration and I got him to cum a few times which was fun. But he was a bit remorseful, saying how he thinks I'm a total bottom-bitch at heart (get real) by the way I enjoyed getting rimmed out. I didn't really have the heart to tell him that most of my reactions were faked because I felt sorry for him. I mean, how humiliating for him to be shoving his tongue halfway into someone's colon. Faggots are so revolting.

But I made thirty dollars out of him by scamming fifty for taxi fare, so it was a rather successful night at the end! Even if I'm no closer being busted in, despite the fact that whenever I sit down today, it feels like I'm sitting on a tennis ball. Is it possible to get anal bruising?