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Monday, March 22, 2004
Everyone (well, those in the South-East Queensland): the Kiwi Martini things at Sun Bar are highly recommended by Dawei. Three of those bad boys in you guarantees a totally boss night out on the town. Incidentally, apparently I fucked the guy who designed that place. Go me! He was "38" though, ssshh.

Anyway, what a kickass weekend! On Friday night I indulged the underage private school boy in me and went to Friday's which was outstanding. So disgusting. I forgot what vomit-sprayed toilets looked like. But for super cheap drinks I wasn't going to complain. But really, it's been so long since I've been out drinking in the City, and it reminded me of just how much ass the Valley kicks in regards to a night out. Yeah, you get more 'hos and Abbos in the Valley, but what would the world be without colour? Although there were a number of hot drunk straight boys there and at the Exchange whom I "accidently" brushed my ass against.

The Valley used to be a different scene, populated by the homos, drug addicts, prostitutes, and the beautiful exclusive funky people (eg, moi). But I was there on Saturday night, and I was all "dude, what is with all the private school boys around?" I saw at least fifteen guys with whom I went to highschool. Back then, these fuckers would never be caught dead in the Valley, preferring the checked-button-up-shirt-and-cream-pants look and style of Hotel LA and Rowers. Admittedly the majority were at GPO which is the most standard and boring of the Valley places, but still! It was weird to see old school people. I ran into one dude who was apparently a model (well, that's what someone told me), and he was FAT and short. And dressed in a suit! Bwah! Whatever. I hate my school.

But anyway, after that we stalked some buff dudes into the Wickham (yes, we were pissed, shut UP). To give you an idea of what the Wickham is like, we got a free George Micheal CD when we went in, which was promptly used for a cross Wickham Street game of frisbee. Hmm, I didn't mean this to turn into a tutorial of Brisbane's night life. I could go on, but I will spare you. All you need to know is that I was pissed and had fun.

The best part of the weekend was coming home on the train (yeah, check out Dawei being all public transport-y!), and seeing someone wearing a Guy Sebastian t-shirt. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Unfortunately I wouldn't have smirked so much if I'd known it was a sign about what was to come. I thought when I came back from Europe this Australian Idol shit would be finished. Sadly I was mistaken. Not only have I suffered through the painful whining of Shannon "I'm poor but I want to blame someone" Noll's What About Me? since landing, but upon my arrival home from my kickass weekend, I kicked off my Guccis, turned on the TV, and settled in for what I thought would be some mindless music clips to pass the morning. Instead I was treated to THREE songs by AI people. My GOD. And when Guy's song is the best, you know something is fucked up the arse.

Speaking of, I think Courtney Act's was by far the worst. I think (s)he was attempting some standard gay anthem gash dance shite, but the dance-y bit isn't catchy enough. And as for her vocals... ugh. I think that Adam's Apple shaving procedure must have done something. And damn, bitch looks old. Isn't (s)he only 21 or something? Is one of the side effects of Zalcitabine rapid aging or something? Is there a drug to speed up the AIDS process? Maybe (s)he's taking that as a form of suicide or something? Whatever. Incidently, this flaming piece of turd is called Rub Me Wrong. What an absolutely terrifying prospect.

The next one I heard was the new one from Shannon Noll, and I must say it is fucking abysmal. Why was he given a record contract? He SUCKS. And his Southern Cross tattoo? Hideous. Stop showing it off, you rural fuck. His song is called Black Car, or Ride in the Black Car or something shit like that. A sample of the lyrics are, no joke:

I gotta black car,
I gotta shiny black car!

Of course, this is yelled in his standard Jimmy Barnes-esque no-talent way. Ugh. Dusty landscapes and water wells abound in the clip, as in his previous one. Are we like, meant to identify with this? Maybe if he was working on the land instead of bitching about his new car he'd do the country some good. Anyway, the worst part of the video is that the audience finds out that the man chasing him in a truck for the duration of the video is the owner of said shiny black car, and all he wanted was to get it back. Uhm, Shannon, isn't that grand theft auto or some shit? Isn't that anti-Australian? Just to prove what an asshole he is, he flicks the keys at the suited gentleman, and snots "your car's ready mate" or something, and struts away with his slut. What a cunt. The poor man looks at what is meant to be a newly serviced vehicle, to find it covered with dust and ruined from the cross-country drag race it has been put through. I suppose we are meant to support Shannon, because Shannon is wearing a singlet and is thus a true blue Aussie, while the owner of the car is wearing a suit, and we must look down on anyone with any money or success in life.

Fuck you, Shannon. I hate you and your girls-name. I hope your children are as barren as the land from which you came. I'll just continue sipping my Kiwi Martinis and remain just as apathetic to the situation of rural Australia if it's alright by you.