A Haiku for Fashion Retarded London Men

Blazer over jeans,
a t-shirt peeping through.
Fucking fugly, fag.

Well, I'm not sure that's a haiku. I think I'm meant to put some shit about cherry blossoms in there but you get the idea. Men of London (especially the 'mos) ENOUGH WITH THE T-SHIRT/BLAZER/JEANS LOOK ALREADY!!! Why not just add a blond streaked mullet, wrap yourself in a rainbow flag and sing proudly about how you like to felch sopping wet ass (and look fucking hideous while you do it. I mean, "kitsch" buttons?! The fuck?). You all look stupid.

Dawei's Style Tip #342: Once an item is seen for sale in Topshop/Topman it is dated and must not be bought. Although I mean, really. I had a look around the Oxford Circus Topshop/Topman. Do people really buy stuff from there? Ugggggglyyyyy. For all of you not in the know, Topshop is a glorified Supre, only it thinks it's the shit. But you should see the models they use, yuck. Definitely of a Supre standard. They had this ginger one with a REALLY short blunt fringe which was on the side of all those stupid red double-decker busses. Gross. That'll be a good thing about getting out of stupid England: there are a lot fewer ginger people in Australia. And "Asians" I guess. (Before you start mass-emailing me about how Australia is overrun with Raysions, people over here call Pakis and curry-muncher Asians. People from proper Asian countries are "Oriental". What a fucking racist country!)

But it's true! Tomorrow night I cruise out of Heathrow and hit up Brisbane in a few days time! Meep! And then I have to go to stupid uni on Friday which I am so unimpressed with. I have to go see all my course people as I've missed two weeks of work, so I bet they rip into me. Is it my fault that my parents sent me to Europe over Summer? NO.

I will be a bit sad to go though, but I'm looking forward to rocking out again old-skool style and having some wacky Queensland adventures. Oh, by the way, I've totally decided not to pursue the relationship root (hehe, geddit, I'm funny). One of the chicks I'm staying with (who are making me cook dinner tonight, how rude. It's not like I was given my own room or anything. And seriously, I can't cook for shit. Oh, tangent...) got dumped and she went into this like, depressive and violent mood. I'm so not putting myself through that. But I mean, I feel like a bit of a useless shit. I don't know what to say to her. What I WANT to say is "oh, suck it up bitch there are plenty more out there. Would you WANT to be with him if he's being a dick and dumped you for a thirty-one year old?" (which is true! Ha!) But meh. Not everyone can have my cool clear-headed rational brain I guess. Maybe I should open up a relationship advice column, Carrie Bradshaw-Sex-in-the-City-style (which is SHIT now, by the way. Samantha is BALD and Miranda is in BROOKLYN and MARRIED). I reckon it'd be mega-successful.

Oh, PS -- I'm going to start acrobatic lessons and training and shit. So help me find somewhere which does it!

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posted by Dawei at 11:38 pm