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Thursday, April 15, 2004
Not to get all Pride on your collective asses (because really, who can be bothered holding up a rainbow flag these days? Hasn't that effort, like feminism, been well and truly drained now?), but seriously: what is up with that Alex Lloyd video? Firstly, it's called Beautiful which is eye-bleedingly painfully ironic seeing as ol' Alex is nastier than all the Popstars Live contestants put together in a bukkake orgy (with Molly sodding the men, natch, and spraying them with his filthy virus-ridden cum). It features a variety of couples making out. And not just making out. Like, full-on grade nine BBC/Chruchie dance pashes. Lots of tongue, face swallowing, teeth mashing, just... ugh. Very distasteful. Is this, like, meant to be a turn on or a celebration of our life existence or something? Whatever, Alex.

Did I have a point?

Oh. ANYway, Alex is obviously trying to be all "look how open minded I am with my selection of couples". He has a few old people (which is an "ew" post on its own), an interracial couple (who display by FAR the worst kissing technique I have witnessed in my life), and assorted straight couples who have varying amounts of aesthetic appeal. Memo to Alex: beauty in the inside is bollocks. Will Delta have a career until her hair has grown back? NO. Although shagging the Poo is work enough, I guess. Gross, Delta. But anyway, he has a few lesbos because everyone likes to watch them wacky fe-fags get their groove on, right? Eyeroll. But then he has two faggots, and they get exactly two point four seconds of accumulated macking time of a 4 minute clip of all these other people kissing. Like, what's the deal? How come we get to witness the dumb lemons rubbing their fannies against each other, but then they only show two men kissing for a split second? And it's not even a GOOD kiss, it's like, a tight, passionless, peck on the lips. BORING.

I mean, it's not like I care about those two homos in particular (the poofters in question are, shockingly, as Aussie TV has yet to put on any hot fag characters on the small screen, fugly to the max, rivaling Alex himself for the Ugliest Mugs in A Music Video award at my imaginary ARIA ceremony). But it does get a little annoying when female homos can be flapped around (no pun intended) willy-nilly, while the man-'mos get shafted (no pun intended) to a few obligatory glimpses. I guess I can understand it if the product is meant to appeal to men or something, but this cunting film clip is played most on fucking MusicMax which is the fucking music channel bored ugly housewives do their ironing too. And hello, does ANY heterosexual male like Alex Lloyd? WHAT IS GOING ON?!?!

The least they can do is have two HOT men make out for those two seconds. Then I might actually sit down and suffer through Alex's nasal, whiney vocal pansying.