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Monday, July 19, 2004
Seriously: can the whole jeans 'n' thongs thing please fuck off already? Like, since when was this a good look? It was tired three years ago. Sigh. I was perving on this guy in town today, he was pretty good looking in that bland, "meh", standard Swedish blond-man type way. Normally I only get down to serious checking out when the person is really pushing my aesthetic buttons (or pulling the Big Meaty Lever of Aesthetic Pleasure, really), but you have to make do with what you're given, right? But even so, perving on standard blah attractive people is kinda... well, dull. It's like masturbating when you're home alone, as you figure you may as well fire off a quick one because it's convenient, and then when you're done (soundlessly and pretty much sans pleasure) you feel exactly the same, except you're now burdened with a number of heavy, chlorine-y tissues that just do not flush, slightly clammy hands and a hankering for a bowl of Rice Bubbles and a lemonade icy pole and I think I've gone way off track so I will get back to the point. Ahem. Anyway, perving on merely attractive people is dull and embarrassing. You need that certain somethin', yo. Anyway, so this guy wasn't even all that hot so I was a bit disappointed in myself for scoping out his basket, and then I felt even more of an asshole when I checked his foot attire to see that he was wearing white thongs with his jeans. Ew. White thongs are the worst. Like, what's next, Tsubis? Those leather cuffs with a watch in the middle? White belts?
Gag. Men everywhere: say no to the thongs and jeans look. At least the trucker hat seems to be dying a rapid death. I bet all you faggots who bought them are kicking yourselves. And yes, any man who owns a trucker hat is a 'mo, whether he is ready to admit it or not. Go look in your cupboard. If there is a hat there with any form of mesh on it, you are a Grade-A cocksucker and/or hot, wet arsehole licker. I would suggest you buy some boxer-briefs to accompany the trucker hat, but I'm guessing you already own several pairs. In white.