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Monday, August 02, 2004
I think I totally molested a friend of mine in my sleep this weekend. Oops. I guess this is a good lesson: never ply Dawei with martinis and various other alcoholic beverages unless you want to get groped when you innocently pass out on someone's bed. Actually, I discovered this the hard (snigger) way a few years ago when my un/subconsciously motivated self latched onto the hot body lying next to me, and I woke up when his hot spunk cascaded down onto my forearm. Ick. I mean, I guess it was a bit of an ego-boost at the time, being so desirable that my arm snaking around their waist was reason enough to pull it out and have a wank. But on the other hand: ew! He could have at least woken me up first or something. I probably would have indulged him, I'm not that much of a tightarse. He had a pretty good distance going with his spray too, now that I think about it. Hmm! Meh, nah. He was too smiley.

My body is probably trying to tell me "you aren't getting enough hot ass! Get over this whole date thing already!". Stupid body, it has no faith in my sparkling personality. It's further spiting me today by giving me some horrendous bowel cramps and spectacular diarrhoea. Like, I woke up at 4.45am with it, then again at 7, then at 10 (after a mission cross-campus sprint to my favourite toilet. You get a room to yourself!), then again at 12.15 when I was meant to be meeting someone for lunch. Mon dieu! What a cunting bitch of a colon. It seems to have died down a bit now, but I just ate this big fuckoff pasta thing, so I'm expecting a similar performance within the hour. Sigh. Dumb body. I reckon it's just preparing me to get laid though. By cleaning out my intestines and colon, it's leaving it sparkling clean and pine-fresh for a hot tongue and... other such things. What my body doesn't understand is that I'm not going to do the "other such things" until I get my cunting date, so it should at least hold off with the debilitating cramps until I have jotted down a fucking date in my diary/calendar thingie. My bowels aren't too bright.

Of course, another possibility is that I have bowel cancer. But then I would be losing weight, instead of stacking it on like a stay-at-home-mother. Seriously, I've put on eleven kilos since getting home from Europe! Boooooooit!

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