Next week I have a few exams, for most of which I am thoroughly screwed, so I'm making the most of this week of swotvac-ing. Well, it's not technically a swotvac thing. It's technically called a "Reading Week" which is basically the same thing only you are meant to go to class as well. But fuck that! So so far this week I haven't touched the study and have instead binged on par-taying all weekend, sucking my savings account dry (grr), and eating complicated Turkish bread-based snacks in front of MTV. My life is so rewarding, isn't it? I did however jot a few things down on my trusty notepad. Unfortunately it has nothing to do with French theorists or being all translator-y of baby talk. Rather, I've categorised and analysed the three crushes I currently have going in my life, and their viability potential.

Door Number One: Grey T-Shirt Man

Background Information:

Target was originally spied across the bar at the revolting Wickham Hotel, leaning against a wall and staring bitchily and bored-like at his friend who was playing the pokies. Target was seen again a few nights later standing on a corner of Anne St, and eye-contact was engaged. After initial eye-contact, over-the-shoulder-look-back-'n'-flirt was initiated, leading to the discovery that Target was still maintaining original eye-contact. Liquification of insides ensued.

Assets:

Cute, in that bitchy, snarly kind of way.

Multiple random meetings indicate I may actually see him again to flirt properly.

Snappy dresser.

Has good looking friends of both genders, indicating he isn't a complete drop-kick.

Seems to show vague interest in me.

Liabilities:

Met at the Wickham.

Goes to the Wickham.

Was probably heading to the Wickham when second encounter occurred.

Bit of a short-ass.

Might be a complete fug and suffer a severe case of Ian Thorpe-esque FagFace, as Self was intoxicated during both encounters.

Financial status undetermined.

Viability Potential:

5/10. Probably will run into him again, preferably whilst sober so a more thorough analysis of aesthetic appearance and snarkiness can be performed. Level of Gay in his voice and accent must also be determined. A solid start, however.

Door Number Two: Cap Wearing Bar Big-Spender

Background Information:

Target was met at Bowery Bar during a severe drinking binge. Was chatty and snarky and had a platinum credit card, to which he charged multiple drinks. A grown-up, Target has a high-paying job and life experience, which translated into crude jokes, sarcasm, and other such dreamy blitherings. Contact was terminated when friend decided to move onto another bar (probably jealous that Dawei was two minutes away from falling in love).

Assets:

Affluent, not from just high-paying job, but through family wealth. Is used to money, and is therefore not one of those tiresome nouveau riche asshats.

Had good arms.

Sarcastic, crude, and a cheeky shit. My favourite.

Rather well dressed, except for the cap.

Liabilities:

What's. With. The cap? Suspected receding hairline, must be investigated.

Has not been seen since, and will doubtfully be seen again.

Was too perfect. Probably has AIDS.

Possibly slightly too old.

Viability Potential:

7/10. Shame seeing him again is doubtful, I think I probably could have actually liked this one. When I was talking to him, I was so engaged some of the time I wasn't even thinking about licking his neck, and could overlook the slightly odd nose. Damn you, Fate.

Door Number Three: Tall Airport Masseur Guy

Background Information:

Repeated visits to the airport this week has introduced this stunning specimen of man-flesh. Target works as a quick, five-minute masseur for business class passengers in the domestic terminal. Target has made flirty come-hither eyes, and has a cute, irresitible smile that slightly tugs at his lips. Target is six thousands kinds of Sex, and underwear must be checked for pre-come stainage after encounters.

Assets:

HAWT.

Tall, dark, and handsome. My favourite.

Works as a masseur, so sex would be hot and good.

Must be nice and amiable to want to work in a field where you have to talk to and touch strangers all day.

Did I mention the Hotness?

Liabilities:

Works in an airport in a non-management-y position.

Works as a masseur.

Works as a "masseur", which can often turn into "'ho" if an extra twenty is thrown into the mix.

Must be a complete cum-guzzling skank to make sex-eyes at every cute boy who walks his way. Probably has AIDS.

Is probably straight, and was just trying to sucker me into giving him money for a non-sexual rub-down.

Is definitely straight. Far too cute to be gay.

No reason to go back to the airport until I travel domestically, which isn't scheduled until November.

Viability Potential:

3/10. One point for each hour of hot, sweaty man-sex we would have before getting over it and sending him on his way limping and covered in crusty dried Dawei-spunk.

See, that's organised. How come I can't be that dedicated to my stupid school work? Bah. But speaking of love matches, can you feel the sparks fly between these two? It's totally a Blogging Love Match. I expect to be invited to the webcam telecast of the Canadian commitment ceremony, you guys! I suppose cyber-sex is the safest form of sexual relations you can have...

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posted by Dawei at 9:38 pm