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Tuesday, September 21, 2004
Okay, still haven't boned. This is crazy. I'm just feeling worse and worse, and am approaching the whole intimacy side of this little relationship with dread rather than excitement. Fucking hell. I think we'll get it over with sooner rather than later, the last time I stayed over at his place we lost the underwear for a bit! Like, wow.

I also feel bad because I have like, no money. And as nice as it is for someone to pay my way, I feel like a complete tightass. I paid for some of the shit we did yesterday, but I can't keep that up forever (also, 11 bucks is not a concession rate, stupid cinema). Normally I'd sass Mother for some emergency funds, but the parentals have been exceedingly tight with me lately. Something about wanting me to grow up and learn the value of the dollar or some shit. Like, selfish much? Do they really expect me to go work my fingers to the bone all day for like, six dollars an hour? Whatever. And anyway, I doubt they'd give me money to spend with my thirty year old partnerboyfriendfuckbuddything CHRIST what do I call it? "Partner" and "boyfriend" are far too lame (and it makes my hands sweat when I say "Cap Guy is my boyfriend" aloud, not that I've practiced that or anything *cough*). But we haven't fucked. And I quite like just being with him. And I smirk and sometimes giggle when he sends me a lame SMS. And when he left his hand on my thigh during the movie we saw yesterday I might have liked it. Oh fuck, I'm so lame. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.