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Wednesday, August 24, 2005

I'm blaming having to write five thousand cunting words for various assignments in the past week and a bit alone. Sigh. Stupid university. I'm all weak and kitten-y! I even nearly cried when I bought some tap soap, and the stupid plastic squirty thing was faulty and wouldn't pop up no matter how many times I rotated the little fucker. Sigh. I need a nice loooooong holiday on a tropical beach somewhere I think. Only I can't, as I have to find a fucking job. Why can't a nice glossy magazine snap me up to do something suited to my talents. Liiiike... uhm... bar reviews or something. Somthing like that chick in that Oil of Olay ad. She's like, a beauty editor and gets free shit. I could do that! Only instead of being the beauty editor I could be slotted somewhere a bit more butch. Like underwear editor or something. I mean, how hard can it be? Trust me, I've studied editing at uni, and it's like, totally piss easy.

Father said I should move to Melbourne, and I would be definitely considering a move down south if I had the funds. Are there more publishing-type jobs in Sydney or Melbourne? Melbourne is a cool city, and I could wear black a lot, and drink coffee, but I do have my eye on a lovely Woollahra terrace. Sigh. I wish my parents had more influence or connections or some bullshit, so I could actually realise my impossible fantasies of being a bad-ass cool career guy who struts around in Dior Homme suits every day and jets off to Paris or Tokyo every other month.


Oh, and it's my birthday in, like, a month, so I'm a bit upset about that. I'm at my old age! And it's my anniversary with Cap Guy (quelle embarrassant) in a few weeks. God. Lame. Are you meant to get people something for that? I mean, something good? Because he has impossible tastes. Any ideas? I've already got him the champagne (may as well go the cliché, and I found a bottle of Dom Perignon my parents wont miss in the fridge). What else? Sigh. Maybe I could make him a card or something. PS -- no suggestions of tying a ribbon around my anus or whatever, that won't work. Well, I mean it would work if I got one of those bigass rosette things with the adhesive back. I mean that the idea wont work. Plus he did it once already. Well, I gave him a present for his birthday, and then the next morning he tied the ribbon around his hard dick to wake me up, but he couldn't rouse me from my slumber so he had a shower instead.

Actually, the best present I could probably get him would be proper employment. But I mean, if it hasn't happened in a year and a half of hardcore searching I don't think that's going to happen in the next month. Maybe I should take up gambling.