I was planning to do an 2005 ARIA Extravaganza Post of Ginormic Proportions, but then I realised I couldn't be arsed and had better things to do. Like buff my toenails which are, like, brown from dirt. Or measure my sideburns, as I think I look slightly asymmetrical when I peer at my face in the mirror. And I bought the new Vogue Living which needed to be consumed.

Of course, I did manage to catch a few minutes of this annual embarrassment. So I have a few questions which y'all might be able to answer for me.

1. On the red-carpet, why do they insist of trying to pretend it's the Oscars or some shit? Every "star"'s interview goes something like this:

Interviewer: Oh, [Misc. B-Grade Music Celebrity]! Who are you wearing?
Misc. B-Grade Music Celebrity: I'm wearing [cheap, Australian designer you can buy at Myer].
Dawei: CRINGE!

2. Speaking of fashion, I know Missy Higgins is like, a total dyke-o-rama, but did she have to dress as her lesbian partner's genitals? Did her thought process go "red... flaps... hood... hot!"? Cute shoes, though.

3. Why are Hamish and Andy given jobs as comedians? Even on a night when the "gags" are predictable and lame, their segment was just... embarrassing. There wasn't even a murmur of a giggle, and not even a "uuuuuuhhhh LAAAAAAAME hahahaha" response (see McManus, Rove). How embarrassing.

4. Who was that he/she creature in the hideous dress who kept screeching about Anthony Callea? Is that meant to be satire or some shit? Ugh.

5. Do you think it's wrong to be irrationally lusting over James Mathison?

6. Anthony Callea preparing for a great night in. Ok, that's not really a question, but you can tell he is so thinking about driving that sucker in, fat end first. I rate his white shirt though. Anthony often looks like his suits are too big (probably because he is like, a midget and for some reason never gets his suits tailored. Shop in the boy's department, Anthony!), but that tuxedo number is quite fetching, in a gay waiter kind of way.

Did y'all have any ARIA highlights?

|

posted by Dawei at 10:54 am