Can I just say I'm looking so hot right now? My hair is the perfect length, effortlessly combining hot 1930s conservatism with a twist of new millennium phunk. My eyes are all clear and shit, my facial hair is at that perfect stage (day and a half growth -- just enough stubble, not too obvious, not hobo-esque), and even my eyebrows are looking good. The dark, sharp line of each brow is a perfect and intriguing match for the clarity of the green pools below.

Hmm, okay, maybe that description is a bit... poetic. But I'm feelin' good. I bought like, two pairs of shorts which are currently spanking ass. I actually look good in these shorts, people! Well, maybe not good, but better than most shorts. Okay, one pair is slightly a bit long. But they are still cute, and they are not nearing 3/4 length, don't worry. Shorts are such a pain. They are either too short, or too long, sigh. Maybe if my career as... uhm... Professional Beeyotch falls through, I can design the perfect pair of shorts? Stupid Queensland. Although it is pissing down rain at the moment, so theoretically I could bust out some hot jeans or something. Life is too complicated.

Actually, I should definitely consider the jeans option, as my legs aren't quite in summer-shape yet. They are shapely, true, but I'm having a bit of a quandary about the hair. Like, don't worry. I don't have any of that icky black hair anywhere, but I have this like, white hair on my legs. Which you sort of can't really see, but it still bugs me. Like it looks messy or something? But I don't really want to wax/shave/cream it, as bald legs on men looks a bit wanky. Especially as everyone will be able to see them, due to the required presence of shorts during summer. Sigh. What to do. Is there a way to like, trim back the hair a bit, so they lose that hideous curl? Like, if I use a clipper-y thing, will they get all sharp and "shaved"? Because that would be gross too. Sigh. Why does life have to be so fucking complicated?

Maybe I should just wear long pants all summer and just hide in air-conditioning or something. I mean, I never did get that perfect tan, so unless I invest some hard hours in a tanning booth or something they will never be perfect summer legs. Sigh. Maybe I should just write this summer off, and finally join that gym. I mean, I lost like, four more kilos without even trying or smoking or getting all bulimia-y or anything. Now I weigh like, 69kgs, which is totally far too skinny. You know, sometimes I wish I were a girl. I would be a totally hot chick. I would be effortlessly skinny and tall, I could get rid of the hair on my legs without having to worry about standards of masculinity and homosexuality, and I would actually be encouraged to spend more time and money on my appearance! You girls have it so easy. But don't worry. I won't go all Carlotta on your asses; I quite enjoy having a penis.

But while I'm in such a high mood (which I must say has been helped by finding out that I spanked some serious ass in at least two of my final assignments, I'm such a nerd), I have decided to make some changes to the ol' boudoir. I'm finally buying a queen-size bed, y'all! While some people (who shall remain unnamed, hrmmph) think it's rather amusing that I still sleep in a single bed, I must say that it's not a single bed per se. It is a rather kick-arse bed from my grandmother, which was built in like, 1930 (obviously the 1930s, to quote the immortal words of Jade McRae, are "so right hot right now"). Like, the bed is all ornate and shit and is a bit bigger than a single. Unfortunately I think my mother was probably conceived on it, so it's time for a change. Huzzah!

What else can I do while I'm feeling so... enthused? Maybe I should buy some t-shirts to go with those shorts, as everything I own is looking spectacularly craptacular at the moment. Oh, I also need a new computer, a new bag, and a watch. Maybe a like-minded fan can provide one of those. I mean, spread the Christmas spirit, non?

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posted by Dawei at 11:58 am