I did have a Melbourne Cup-esque post planned, but I sort of forgot, and then I didn't care so much. Like, I don't really give a shit about it (unlike, say, my mother, who cries when that one horse streaks ahead of the others). But for some reason I found this year's Melbourne Cup hooplah to be particularly annoying. For three reasons, actually:

1. I'm sure people like the Melbourne Cup just for an excuse to dress up. Call me dumb, but I just worked that out! But what I can't grasp is why do they always "dress up" in layered/shredded skirts/dresses of variously coloured flimsy material and cheap plastic shoes? Don't they know that they look retarded? Especially when they walk around the city in like, Brisbane. Eyeroll. I find it a bit depressing that people need an excuse to try to make themselves look half-way decent (of course, considering the results, I'm quite glad the Melbourne Cup only comes around once a year).

2. Does anyone really pay $100+ for some fucking canapés in some shitty bar you normally couldn't pay me to enter? Oooh, a big TV screen to watch the race! How excitement.

3. I... can't really think of a third. Oh, well, it's sort of Melbourne Cup-y I suppose. But you know those ads Myer had for Spring Racing with Eva Longoria? How embarrassing. If I were the... head of Myer, I would so fire their advertising director. I mean, the last two "faces" they have booked have been people that they think are "cool" with the masses, when really? They suck. Remember Kate Ceberano briefly appeared in ads for Myer, before The X-Factor sucked major ass like Ian Thorpe after spreading Anthony Callea's cheeks apart like a high-top loaf and they pulled her? Isn't Desperate Housewives so, like, last year? And don't only pathetic single mothers find it amusing? Oh, Myer. You have started selling Givenchy shoes, why do you need to scoop the bottom of the international celebrity pool? Although now I've seen... that other one (the slut), whoring bras or some shit. Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about.

Oh! But do you know what's funny? On the train today, a mother and her retarded-looking kid got on... and he was wearing a helmet! Bwah! And not like a bike helmet, but like, some serious head-gear. In case you are keeping score, the funny part is me being on a train. Although having to protect your kid's head on a fucking train as he is so 'tardy... yeah. That's pretty funny too.

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posted by Dawei at 10:14 pm