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Wednesday, March 15, 2006
I fell in love again today. But this time it's for real! Okay, probably not. Sigh, I'm such a university slut. I arrived late to my tutorial. I sat down. I took out my parchment. I retrieved a pen. I found a breath-mint. I looked around... I was sitting next to quite possibly the most beautiful man on campus. Well, okay, that's going a bit overboard. But other than me, he was definitely the hottest guy in the room (or in any other tutorial I've been in so far this semester!). Totally boss move, finding that breath-mint, Dawei.

Anyway, he has dark hair and lovely green eyes (highfive, hot tutorial guy!). He was wearing some quite dorky shoes though, but that just made me love him that little bit more. Oh, and he had a slightly weird smile, which I seem to like, sigh. I couldn't work out if he was Norwegian or Russian. He has the most unpronounceable name, but his accent is very weird. I'd guess Norwegian though, due to him not being all fat and smelly, and being all lean and angular. Actually, come to think of it, he looks a bit like me! Perhaps I've fallen in love precisely because he looks like me. How Narcissus of me. Or maybe I've just been an Undergraduate for too long, and have read too much Foucault and mirror bullshit.

And really, he doesn't look all that like me. Like, for example, the aforementioned shoes. And his bag was a bit ratty. But he entertained my thoughts for that hour. I fantasised that we both walked out of the building in the same direction, and I was trying to think in advance of some witty opening lines at which he might chuckle. But talk about your incentives to go to class! I'm already planning my timing so I can manage to sit next to him again. Obviously I won't be stalking him, because I felt an instant rapport with him. Okay, we didn't exactly "talk" or "communicate" in any way, but I know we would so hit it off. I mean, who wouldn't, like, like me?

It would be so rude of him if he didn't like me. All my stupid friends have graduated, so I need to make new friends with which to skip classes and drink at the uni bar. Like, what's the point of going to uni if you skip all that social bonding crap?

But yes. Things at university are looking up! Well, except for the work, which is biting my ass at the moment. It's like, week three, and I'm already behind on work. I feel a bit down about it, actually. I can't remember doing work before week six like, ever. But I think I'm suffering general malaise. Maybe my biorhythms are down? Because I love you all so much, I will trust you with three examples of my recent patheticness (not including my recent habit of "stalking" tasty foreign men):

1. I'm researching AIDS narratives, so I have to read a plethora of incredibly sad, depressing, traumatising novels. I actually had to put one down (Timothy fucking Connigrave, you manipulative cunt) as I was crying in the middle of that big-ass grass quadrangle in the middle of campus. Quelle embarrassment! I bet everyone thought I was vaguely retarded.

2. I was enjoying a quite lovely masturbatory session the other night (I believe I was thinking of that guy from the other day, but knowing my clinical habits I was probably composing a shopping list or working out which cologne I'm going to buy next). Anyway, I was reached that point of no return, and I nearly SHAT MYSELF. I literally had to remove my hands from my penis, clench my cheeks, and grip the sheets until my orgasm subsided. It was very strange. Like, it's not as if I've been widened by any anal intercourse. I think it's been all the Chinese food I've been eating lately. Good thing it didn't turtlehead though -- I had just washed my white sheets. Although it would have been an excellent excuse to buy some new ones.

3. I bought a yoghurt maker. Which, what next, Dawei? A litter of cats and a Volkswagen?

I think my brain is degenerating. I haven't had sex with Ian Thorpe lately have I????