Do you think it's a bit weird that I haven't given a blowjob in like, five weeks? Because I think that's pretty fucking weird. It's not as if I have braces or snaggleteeth or gaps or creepy pointy fangs that would make receiving oral sex from me particularly painful or nasty. And, actually, I think most would be honoured if I were to wrap my lips around their member. And I have a stupid fucking relationship! Why doesn't he want me to blow him? I mean, he blows me. He even sticks his fucking tongue up my ass. What's his problem with me doing some a-suckin' and a-lickin'? He just seems to like me to, like, lie there. I've become a glorified starfish. Okay, so maybe sometimes he might want me to, like, lick or suck on his sack, but that's not dick, man! Sigh. Maybe his dick smells like someone else's cologne or has man-lipstick on it or something. Or maybe I'm ugly.

Okay, that's not it. I have a super-ravishing new haircut, so he can just fuck off. If I had low self-esteem I would go suck a random dick in a park or toilet or wherever those desperate and disgusting homosexuals go to make themselves feel sexy. But of course I know I kick ass, so I shall just remain bitter and twisted and take it out on him using my finely honed skills in emotional manipulation and abuse. Hooray!