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Friday, August 04, 2006
I've just been reading over the Census questionnaire for next Tuesday night, andzzzzzzzz. Seriously, what a boring, boring survey. I can't remember the last one, so it mustn't have had much of an impression either. Like, I expected some more hard-hitting questions than "What is your ancestry?" and "Have you looked for work in the past four weeks?". God, liven it up a little, Australian form-writers! I would have asked questions like: "What is your favourite drink?" [Diet Coke with a slice of fresh lime, or turbo-dry gin martinis or champagne served in 1920s style coupettes]; "What is your favourite time of year?" [Spring for Australia, Winter for overseas]; "What do you least like about living in Australia?" [Separation from the rest of the world]; and "What do you like the most about living in Australia?" [Separation from the rest of the world]. See? Pointless, trivial, but somewhat interesting. A lot more interesting than the stuffy questions in the booklet. I'm having serious thoughts of fucking around with the statistics and ticking the "Chinese" box and saying that I need help with mobility or some shit. Although I won't, because I'm all honest and shit. Sigh, it's hard being such an upstanding citizen.

Also, I'm having a bit of a fashion dilemma. I have two weddings coming up, and I have seriously nothing to wear. And the first wedding, which is only in a couple of weeks, has been given the dress-code of "lounge suit". Fucking hell! I hate "lounge suit". It's hard to dress suitably lounge-y (har har), I find. Why not just leave it with the formal suit, which is so much easier and nice. I look ridiculous in washed out, hideous tan and grey suits, but wearing black or navy will be too formal with everyone else surely wearing horrid Morrissey tan things with pink or green ties, ew. Crisis! So I'm thinking of being a bit more creative with it... but that has it's hazards as well. God, you women have it so easy. All you have to do is slap on a hot dress and slide into some tall-ass shoes. Ideally I'd just find a perfect, tailored and fitted jackety-type thing which would look unreal with my nice trousers/shirt/tie combination. Unfortunately all clothes in Australia seem to be cut FAR too long in the ass (even for me, and I have quite a long torso), and I end up looking stumpy and as if I'm dressing in Daddy's clothes. Sigh. I'm thinking... smoking jacket! But a cool one. But I don't know where one finds a smoking jacket, and anyway, they might be a bit passé. Parisian, New Yorkian, Londonian, Bruxelleian, and even Stockholmian readers: send me well-designed clothes! I look good in European clothes. I assume that's because most Australians are fat, and they design their clothes thusly. Stupid fat people.

But I'm either going to wear green or silver shoes, so I'm going to work my way up. Sigh. It's hard to be so effortlessly stylish.