Ugh, I just read in Vogue Living (which, incidentally, has sadly become one of my favourite magazines and I would LOVE to work there. Ugh, I'm queer) that Monika Tichacek won the Anne Landa Award and 25 grand for her shitty "video installation" called The Shadowers. I can pass judgement on this as I was forced to watch this piece of ass several times in 2005. Obviously I am in the wrong industry: this video is a few of her mates sitting around in a wood sewing together their legs, drinking each others' spit, tangoing with said sewed legs, and finally eating off each others' faces. Uhm, whatever. Also, I think at one point they pierce their tongues to tree trunks. Rrrrrrright.

I don't get video art. Perhaps it stems from being scarred by my sister, forcing me to watch Eat Carpet all those years ago when she was meant to be looking after me when my parents were away. But for 25 grand I'm willing to dabble in the arts. Perhaps I can make my first "installation" about me sewing together my foreskin and attempting to pee through the narrow slit (theme: economic and health in our modern perverse social landscape). An hour of lingering close-ups of my face as I am reamed and plowed by an off-screen intruder (theme: fears of security and innocence and "the other"). Or maybe an entire video devoted to me relaxing on the couch, as I endlessly watch TV, with perhaps a cut to a fly landing on my hand towards the end of the film (theme: mental and physical degeneracy in Austro-masculine culture, the fly representing the Embodied Feminine).

It could work. But I think I would prefer farting around with Kartell and sucking up to the boss.