The other day, in a fit of depression and self-mutilation (self-cutting is so cool! I might start a MySpace about it), I accidentally sliced an artery. I'm so totally suicidal! Actually, I'm not. Nor am I into self-cutting. Nor am I depressed (well, no more than the usual rich blond fag-boy). I noticed a window had a big crack in it, so I decided to see if it was indeed broken. So I poked at the crack, smashed the window, and sliced down my fucking finger cutting into an artery. While I might be a bit of a paranoid bitch, I'm quite pleased to know I'm good in a crisis! I very calmly took it to the bathroom and rinsed it off and wrapped it up. Mother didn't seem too concerned about it, and was more concerned with the splashes of blood on the hardwood floors and "Chalk" walls. She just put on a few band-aids! Hello, I cut my artery! Anyway, seeing as I injured my dominant left hand, I've had a tough few days where it has been difficult to wipe my arse, masturbate, or open Diet Coke cans. I'M IN HELL, PEOPLE!

I think my lapse in judgement is because I'm weak (I just noticed I accidentally wrote "week". See, I'm in trouble!). I made a bet that I could give up bread, so now I haven't had it in ages. I love bread. This is so hard. And I don't really want to lose anymore weight. I'm wearing 31" at the moment, and they are like, hanging off my ass. I HATE that look. Recently I was watching a group of vaguely lay-by-ish looking skater guys (I think they were about 16ish. I hope. I'm not a paedophile!). Anyway, three of them were sassing the fourth as he was wearing girls' jeans. I mean, they were all wearing tight-ass black jeans, but his were particularly tight. And he looked quite luscious. This disturbed me on many levels, such as:

1. Why was I checking out probably under-age skater boys? YUCK.
2. What's going on with the homosexualising of the heterosexual male? Hello. Stay butch! Someone has to work in the trade industry!
3. Why don't they make tighter jeans for men if even these supposedly heterosexual boys are turning to wearing clothes made for girls?
4. Why am I feeling jealous of someone wearing girls clothes? Stupid baggy jeans. Skinny-leg my ass.

I don't really know what my problem is. I don't want to wear girl jeans, but I do want to look good. I don't know. I'm so confused. I need a Diet Coke. And a bread roll.