Do you want to know two inappropriate crushes I currently have on characters in TV ads?

CRUSH ONE

The genie on that insipid Tim Tams ad with that ultra-annoying "I don't wantcha... to be my slave" song.

I know you are all aware that I totally dig dark good looks, but I think the genie dude is taking that a little too far. Although my crush really enforces my totally liberal attitudes at the moment! Not only am I attending a charitable cause in the near future, but I have a crush on an Aboriginal! I'm quite pleased with myself. Although, I really do think it's a good idea for more attractive Abbos to be in the media spotlight. I mean, really, those kids don't have much to look up to. I mean, Cathy Freeman and Marcia Hines can only do so much.

CRUSH TWO

That kid in the latest Vegemite ad. Okay, I'm not a paedophile, so I wouldn't do anything yet. But does anyone else think that he would be a total lay-by in ten years or so? I mean, he has those googly eyes and really nice facial structure that adolescents grow into, and his ugly bowl haircut can be changed. He'd totally be up for some arse-fun too; see how he plays with that soccer ball at the end of the ad? PANSY. Also, he has no friends, and has to play with his dog. The dog is cute and all, but he obviously doesn't have any friends as he is a latent homo.