Hmmph, stupid Mother has gone and been all selfish and quit work. I don't know why, probably to lie around all day and watch Passions and bake muffins and drink gin or some shit. Well, okay, that's not exactly completely true. But she sold her surgery, so now she has like, a month off until she starts at her new "glamourous" position. Meanwhile, this means that until she gets off her arse again, there won't be as much money coming in. And really, what good is that going to do me? I just saw these excellent shoes I want to buy! And even if I did somehow manage to find a job, it'll be WEEKS before I can afford them. Stupid woman. That whole "I haven't had a holiday for three years" shit doesn't fly with me.

The most annoying thing though? She'll be home during the days until she and Father are dumped at the airport! Argh! This means I'll actually have to go to uni and look studious in my off time. She doesn't really understand the whole uni-as-bludge thing, but that's only because she was a nerd and did medicine where you actually have to like, turn up. Like, right now, she believes I'm going to uni while she's visiting her mother who just got out of hospital... when really I'm firing off a quick post! Goodness this makes blogging seem so clandestine. Maybe that stupid Sydney Morning Herald article was right (even though they spelled my name wrong and NEVER corrected it in one of those apology boxes)? Meh. Although I suppose I could be "researching" Internet porn instead of blogging, which would be much worse. But that's another thing I won't be able to do with my stupid mother around. I mean, it's not as if I can just like, shut the door. The pool's chlorine-y smell doesn't reach to this room I'm afraid.

Sidenote: you'll all be glad to know my semen has lost it's particularly noxious smell, however, my urine has been a bit rank of late. Like, Cap Guy and I were in a hotel this weekend, and he went into the bathroom after I was there, and he was all "UGH! Dude, what did you do in there? Your bladder is fucked!" It's a good thing we're not into watersports, I guess. I'm pretty sure that's just diet and alcohol though, so I'm not too worried. I have noticed that when I piss into the sink, ants LOVE it and I always find them crawling around in the drain. What is in piss that ants love to eat? Perhaps I should forward that question to the CSIRO? Anyhoo...

Y'all will probably be wondering why I would care about losing porn-privileges seeing as I'm meant to have someone who fulfils that duty at the snap of my well-manicured fingers. Well you'd THINK that, wouldn't you? Grr. Splitting time between two cities is hard, yo. Especially when he works long hours during the week, so if I can be bothered to drive down there at night, there's a fifty-fifty chance he can't be bothered to go down there. How annoying! So yeah, sometimes measures have to be taken to prevent my blue-ball ache of a few months ago. And really, I could be a typical slut fag and go out and troll for cock, but I'm not like that. I'm like, much more classy. I'm quite grateful for that really, as you know, I don't want to end up lesion-faced and bald and the subject of a Hallmark movie. And speaking of STDs, my sister's (rather revolting) "boyfriend" has chlamydia, so she might have it too. How embarrassing! And gross. I really wish she'd get rid of him. But yeah, I'm back to being the good child in my parents' eyes. I might have a lot of faults, but at least I've never gotten a disgusting virus from receiving an unsheathed penis into one of my orifices. Well, I thought I might have once when I got an ulcer in my mouth after a dodgy encounter, as I never get mouth ulcers, but my dad said it wasn't herpes. Oh, and the other day I thought I might have an ulcer type thing on, like, my anus, but I think it was just my old tear being sensitive from cheap toilet paper. Or it's an ingrown hair, as I like, got my crack waxed. Mostly out of interest, as I didn't think I was particularly hairy. I mean, I don't have body hair. But it was quite interesting to see what comes out! And sort of gross. But yes, if it's possible to have a hot and sexy anus, I now have it. How empowering!

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posted by Dawei at 4:36 pm